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May 03, 2006

Recipes For The Nouveau Riche, the Peasants and the Addicted

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Due to my zip code, no doubt, I was the disgruntled recipient of a thick and shiny new publication called "Lux Bond & Green". Thanks to Google, my trusty sidekick in all matters bloggish, I discovered that it's a catalog, disguised as a magazine. Journalistic pieces include, "The Rolex Mystique" and "A Starring Role: Your A to Z Guide to Building a Jewelry Wardrobe" . It even has those society headshots snapped at charity events and numbered for identification -- tuxedoed rich men and their lifted ladies, handing over checks at the gala. You can tell LBG wasted their money (and, sadly, the trees of this earth) sending their publication to me.

However, all was not lost. There is a chocolate chip cookie recipe entitled "Luxury Chocolate Chip Cookie (sic) from Bill Yosses, Josephs Citarella Resaurant, New York City", which I thought I'd pass along, as an example of wretched excess, as if we needed one. I have taken it upon myself to enhance the recipe panoptically

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INGREDIENTS
. 2 cups Gusto's All Purpose Flour (Berkeley, CA) [Google failed me, the recipe might be ruined if we cannot locate this ingredient]
. 3/4 cup Wasanbon Sugar (Shikoku, Japan)
. 3/4 cup Muscovado brown sugar (Ile de la Reunion)
. 1 bean vanilla fresh (Tahiti)
. 1 bean vanilla fresh (Madagascar)
1 teaspoon baking soda [no brand mentioned - take a risk, use what you have in your cupboard]
. 2 cups Bittersweet 80% cacao, George Pralus Chocolate (France)
. 2 organic eggs [try for blue, what the hell]
. 1 cup Echire butter (Normandy, France)
. 2 tablespoons 100% unsweetened hazelnut paste (Piedmont, Italy)

OPTIONAL:
Fresh black truffle, diced fine [don't do this if you want to keep your per cookie cost under $17-- but... if money is no object, and you don't mind a little fungus in your cookies, it might be worth a shot]

DIRECTIONS
1. [have your servant] preheat the oven [no need, if you have an Aga] to 350 degress

2. Using paddle attachment of electric mixer [brand name not disclosed] cream butter with sugars and hazelnut paste.

3. Add eggs one at a time

4. Sift dry ingredients together and add with machine on slow speed

5. Add chocolate, chopped into small chip sized pieces [Nestle's does it for you]

6. Optional - add black truffles chopped fine [guess you should fee lfree t use mor than one]

7. Spoon out tablespoon size dollops onto ungreased parchment [of course] on cookie sheet. Bake for 9-12 minutes, 9 minutes for chewy, 12 minutes for crunchy. [I prefer my truffles crunchy, how about you?]

I am certain you are surprized to find a recipe in this blog. It has really never happened before (well, maybe I shared my dear friend's recipe for homemade horseradish, which is more of a potion than a recipe). There are no recipes in this blog, since it is dedicated to the Sacred Feminine, and daily cooking is one of those repetitive tasks that keep women from fulfilling their full potential in the world, at least the way I do it.

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In contrast, for the simple peasants among us, here's the horseradish recipe.

4 medium beets (they can be from a can --don't put them in, if you want white horseradish)
1 pint of white vinegar
2 large horseradish roots washed and peeled
2 tsp. sugar
2 tsp. salt

Pulverize mixture in a Cusinart with regular blade until finely chopped and magenta. When removing the top, STAND BACK. (I halve the recipe, because it makes more horseradish than I could use in five years -- well worth the effort.)
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And finally, Peter Feibleman in The New York Times Magazine wrote a delightful piece about growing up in New Orleans, to which I cannot link, called "Remoulade Of Things Past", in which he shares his aristocratic grandmother's secret hangover recipe

4 parts ethyl alcohol
1 part ether
A few drops of your favorite perfume

Dip lace handkerchief in mixture, and sniff, all morning if necessary.

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If you yearn to be a truly innovative gourmand, skip the cookies, and hire a personal intuitive forager.

Photo note: Nouveau riche, don't you think? Also a perfect place to nurse a hangover. This is a recycled couch in a coffee shop in Red Hook, New York. In that setting, it's completely adorable.

Posted by Dakota at May 3, 2006 06:08 AM