November 07, 2008
Modern Love
A passionate relationship generally begins with idealization. Mine did not. It wasn't love at first sight, though he certainly caught my fancy after that yummy speech at the DNC in 2004
In 2006 he began courting me in earnest. I have to admit, by then, I found myself spending time exploring a same sex relationship. It was never really all I wanted it to be. By 2007 both of them were making a serious play for me. He with sweet talk, and, well - he's a great dancer. She was fun for awhile too, but her faux hilarity wore thin. In the end she couldn't tolerate my ambivalence. She often became shrill when it looked like I was having trouble deciding between them. He waited, and flirted and stayed calm. Eventually he won my heart with his unfailing civility, his fine mind and his undaunted spirit. I became very attached to him.
By the time we were officially engaged on Tuesday, I was deeply in love. He made a moving and eloquent commitment to me, which touched me so that I couldn't stop crying. I was thrilled to finally have him in my life for certain.
We've only been engaged a few days, and I have begun to fear that our limerence period is over. We're headed into differentiation, and we haven't even moved in together. I don't really care for his friend, Rahm Emanuel, who's going to be hanging around a lot. He promised to tolerate marijuana, and now he's changed his mind. I'm going to watch his first press conference, in hopes that I can keep the flame alive. At least he doesn't leave his dirty laundry everywhere.
The trick of differentiation is neither abandoning or polarizing the relationship -- it's trying to learn from your loved one, accept and embrace the differences between you, and, in doing so, add to the richness of one's own experience. I'm willing to give it a try, but sustaining love is always harder than one imagines.
Photo note: beautiful roses, a bit past prime