March 19, 2006
This morning's ego
View larger image but it's certainly not necessary
The universe just taught me a lesson. When I hit my web server statistics this morning, they reported that over 9000 people (and other computer literate beings) came to my party yesterday. I usually have about six or seven hundred visitors, most of whom average .83 of a minute in my cyber kitchen.
Well, my ego blew up like a balloon, a black weather balloon to be specific, and I got to see myself , and feel how I would change if I felt anyone was watching what I'm doing , really, -- including myself. Who knew? It's mighty embarassing -- but all of us here at Dakota Feinstein are in the business of examining some of the less appealing aspects of self, so that they can be integrated, and will not pop out, uncontained, to wreck havoc. (see Spiritual Path of George W. Bush, thus far)
So I discovered that I really did covet influence. Then I thought about things I would do differently if I had any. I would cultivate dignity. I would have to watch my mouth, and my spiritual direction, a little more carefully. I would try to stay attuned to truth and beauty, but be lighthearted in the face of truthiness -- inspired by the Archangels of such
I thought, maybe I'll just post pictures -- screw the words. A friend saw my screensaver the other day, which shows ten minutes of my (there's the ego), of images that have been shown to me. She had to turn them off, sensitive soul that she is. She said that they made her mind expand, because she so often has difficulty identifying what she's looking at, and there was only so much she could stand without getting Stendhal's Syndrome.
Then I thought of the true meaning of twenty first century art (my host in this dimension) -- the use of technology to create something that expands experience. And then I thought, goodness gracious, I must be doing something important.
Of course I would lose a few pounds before I began to do public appearances (perceived threatof sorts, coupled with high excitment --as in the mother of the bride before the wedding if that's the sort of thing that turns you on-- a grand motivator). I would, however, be able to be interviewed by Terry Gross right away. Oh, I forgot, I have that anonymity thing going.
As I was writing this, I opened two hundred windows instead of using tabs, and lost my first statistics report somewhere in the pile. When opened yet another window and clicked on my statistics again, I found that it was just the usual slow Saturday, 517 visitors. So I came right back, down to earth, with a bit of an incentive to look and feel my best. My body actually felt very different in a fame bubble. I can see that it's addictive -- and I only had it for five minutes. Just as well
Photo note: No need for a larger version of this photograph. (oh, okay) The art isn't mine, but it never is. Perhaps I will go back and buy the shirt to wear to my upcoming public appearances --maybe it comes in a lapel pin format.
