December 10, 2005
Making a Perfect Man
Ever since I fell for the Beloved Brawny Man on film (I actually BOUGHT Brawny Paper Towels the other day, as a testament to him, but found them scratchy [as in beard stubble], compared to Viva), I have been showing it to others, sometimes as a training film, sometimes as an example of how one might wish oneself to be treated in courtship. Last week a woman, recently moved from limerance to the less comfy differentiation stage in her relationship, cried, "That's how he was the first year of our relationship. Now he says it left no room for him to attend to his own needs He can't sustain it." I can appreciate that.
And here's the blog to go with it -- "How To Be a Better Boyfriend" If you're serious, start in August, and read all the way through.
I found myself wondering what kind of equivalent training tape a man might make for a woman. At my most cynical, I had the thought that the internet is actually full of them --- pornography. Then I softened my sexist stereotyping and tried to call up the name of the book that recommends meeting a man at the door in negligee, with provisions. Of course, I can't remember the name of the damn thing. It horrified feminists in its time.
I also wondered if men were as resistant to the Brawny series, as I (and most of my friends) are to the thought of negligee greetings, in spite of the pleasure it might offer the recipient --" I know that's what you want, but it's just not me/ You have to accept me as I am/ It's not real life./ It's way too corny/ I couldn't do it with a straight face." Really, we all know what to do, we just hesitate to do it.
Just as I was about to publish this entry, five copies of Natalie d'Arbeloff's book "The Joy of Letting Women Down: Secrets of the Worshipped Male" arrived on my doorstep. You can order one yourself, or, if you are a personal friend, you might wait and see if you get one for Christmas.
In her introduction Natalie recommends:
". If you are-- or want to be -- the kind of man who is worshipped, read on.
. If you are a reliable man, look away now before you become corrupted
. If you are a woman in thrall with a Worshipped Male, learn the tricks of his trade
. If you are a casualty of too-close encounters with Worshipped Males, this book will bring back memories
. If you have never met a Worshipped Male, don't worry, sooner or later you will"
They came not a moment too soon.
Photo note: It snowed yesterday, giving some lucky person the opportunity to enter the Make a Perfect Man contest. I found the specimen above both a little chilly and thin of bicep.
There was thunder and lightening during the snowstorm. We are told to expect more extreme weather conditions.
Wouldn't Dr. Freud have a field day explaining the nose on that snowman and the fact that his nether regions have dissolved?
I'm so pleased that you included my book in this all-embracing post, Dakko. The ongoing mystery is why the absolutely unacceptable Worshipped Male, as described in "the Joy...", continues to be worshipped, pursued (and sued) by a large number of the planet's female population. Personally, I think there's something in us that craves that adrenaline-packed sexy state of high insecurity.
Posted by: Natalie at December 11, 2005 10:23 AMHi Natalie dear,
The somewhat less than dashing, B.F.Skinner uncovered the power of random (or is it intermittent?) reinforcement while watching his little boxes of pigeons. Once reinforced randomly, (rather than predictably) by a juicy kernel of corn, the poor pigeons became possessed by their corn releasing levers, and could no longer pay attention to pigeonly things -- just like what happens to us girls with those heartbreakers. Behavior conditioned this way is the hardest kind to extinguish too.
The Classic Cad has used random reinforcemt from the beginning of time. Knowing how it works is hardly protection. I say it's up to us to turn the tables.
By the way, gambling has the same randomly reinforced adrenalized thrill, just in case you were tempted.
Lovely to hear from you, D
Posted by: Dakota at December 11, 2005 07:09 PM